Sunday, December 30, 2012

12 weeks, 5 days

Wow, the holiday break has flown by!  I can hardly believe that tomorrow is New Year's Eve and that I will be back to work in 2 days (ugh!).  Ever since getting back home from visiting the in-laws for Christmas we have been extremely busy with trying to unpack our house, going furniture shopping (there are lots of deals right now for  the holidays but it's definitely time consuming), plus all the every day stuff like laundry, groceries and cooking to keep up with!  Oh yeah, and we got to go to a very beautiful wedding for two of our good friends from church yesterday - what a treat!

A picture of us at the wedding reception

I will definitely be posting some bump pictures soon but at the moment I just wanted to give a little update before I'm past the 12 week mark...eeeeek!!!  I can't believe I'm almost in the second trimester!  (And I know, I know, some people say it's when you hit 12 weeks but I'm observing the 40 weeks divided by 3 = 13 weeks 3 days method.)  So, here you go:

How far along?: 12 Weeks

How big is baby?:   Your baby is the size of a plum!  The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.  Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. 

Any appointments or updates this week?: Nope!

Body changes?:  Not really 

Maternity clothes?: Not yet, although my sweet family already gave me some Christmas gifts of maternity clothes and a gift card to a maternity store!  I also bought some new bras which are helping a you can see from the picture above I'm more busty these days ;)

Best moment last week?: Spending time with family for Christmas

Food cravings?: Bagels, Pizza, Cheez Its

Symptoms?: The nausea has been going away, now I just get moments when I feel like I need to eat immediately or need to rest but otherwise things are going great.

Exercise?: Art and I went for a walk around his parents' neighborhood once.  Once things get back to normal I'm hoping to get back to yoga.

What I miss?: I won't lie, I did miss being able to drink champagne when I was at the wedding and I had a moment when I would have loved a glass of red wine today, but it's all gravy!  I'm so grateful to be growing a baby.

What I'm looking forward to?: I'm still really excited about getting to the 2nd tri.

Different this time: I'm going to stop answering this question from now on because at this point I'm in uncharted territory.  It's so exciting to see this pregnancy progress like I never have been able to experience before.  I feel so blessed.

What our baby looks like this week:

Sunday, December 23, 2012

The True Meaning of Christmas

ICLWers:  You may want to start reading here, there are several links to my loss and infertility journey and you can avoid the pregnancy posts if you wish to (I completely understand, trust me).

I have always loved Christmastime.  It's such a wonderful time of the year.  I love the decorations, seeing little children all dressed up and excited, Mall Santas making memories, cheerful music, great food and of course family.  It's one of the few times of the year that everyone really slows down and appreciates each other.

One special thing that I got to be a part of this year was an Adoration service with the Bishop of Orlando.  To explain for anyone who isn't familiar with it, adoration is a form of worship in which Catholics pray and honor God by celebrating him in the form the holy Eucharist.  It is a beautiful form of worship and at this service we sang and dimmed the lights while praying.  Since it was so close to Christmas we had a statue of pregnant Mary and while praying I was overcome with a sense of awe that Mary actually carried Jesus exactly like I am carrying my Sweet Pea right now.

I always knew intellectually that it was a huge honor for her and that she was very blessed but being pregnant during Christmas put it into a totally new perspective for me.  I feel so honored to be carrying our baby and I cannot imagine how much more honored she must have felt.  What an incredible miracle.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

11 weeks, 4 days

Only 199 days to go!  Woohoo!

I am super happy to be pregnant but it's still exciting to see the number of days counting down :)

11 Week Update:

  1. How far along?: 11 Weeks
  2. How big is baby?:   Your baby is the size of a lime! Now about two inches long, baby has been pretty busy this week, growing hair follicles, fingernails, and ovaries (if she's a girl). She has distinct human characteristics by now, with hands and feet in front of her body, with ears nearly in their final shape, open nasal passages on the tip of her tiny nose, and a tongue and palate in the mouth. What else makes her look human? Those hands and feet have individual fingers and toes (meaning good-bye to those froglike webbed hands and feet). Hooray!
  3. Any appointments or updates this week?: No updates this week, my next appointment won't be until January.
  4. Body changes?  Not really.  My pants feel tight sometimes but I haven't switched to maternity clothes yet.
  5. Maternity clothes?: No
  6. Best moment last week?: Seeing our little Sweet Pea on the ultrasound machine
  7. Food cravings?: None really, I've had more aversions than cravings lately
  8. Symptoms?: All the same except a little more nausea than usual
  9. Exercise?: I haven't done much lately but I am planning on going on a long walk around the mall :)
  10. What I miss?: Being able to eat anything and as much as I want.  If I eat too much I feel extremely sick.
  11. What I'm looking forward to?: Getting to the 2nd trimester!
  12. Different this time: More nausea
This is what our baby looks like at 11 weeks:

Friday, December 21, 2012

What Do You Want?

First, a big welcome to any ICLWers who may be reading.  Welcome to my blog!  I started this blog after getting pregnant (for the second time) because I wanted to be able to have a place to record a lot of things about my pregnancy.  But, my trying to conceive journey hasn't exactly been a smooth one.  I am a Pregnant After a Loss mom, as well as Pregnant after Infertility.  I set out to write an introduction with my story and that turned into 6 short posts.  You can read them here, if you are interested:

  1. The Beginning
  2. Trying to Conceive After Loss
  3. Taking the Next Step
  4. Our Appointment with the RE
  5. Surgery
  6. Our First Medicated Cycle
But mainly, welcome!

To get to my post title and what it means, it seems like everyone likes to ask "What do you want? A boy or a girl?".  For me, it's like nails on a chalkboard to hear this question.  What do I want?  All I care about is that my baby is healthy!  Truly, honestly, that is all that I care about.  I will be equally excited for either one.  I actually refuse to answer the question...I just hate the way that it's phrased as if you wouldn't want a baby of the opposite sex.  I guess this is just one of those Pregnant after a Loss things.  Before loss, I probably wouldn't have even given the question a second thought.  But now it really bothers me.  Just another reminder that I'm no longer a naive first time mom.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Second Ultrasound Today!

We got to see our beautiful Sweet Pea today!  It was so amazing, I was crying with joy as the doctor pointed out all of the features of our little Sweet Pea.  Plus we got to see him or her kicking and moving their arms which was so cute.  It was such a special moment for Art and me.  I can't believe our baby looks like a baby now! 

One of the pictures:

Although I am exactly 11 weeks along according to my due date, the doctor measured and Sweet Pea is measuring 11 weeks 5 days, which means he or she is a little bit ahead.  We are really happy about that because it means the growth is going well. 

It will be hard to wait for our next appointment, since it's a month away, but the doctor said we would probably find out the gender at that one!  I can't wait!  We are truly so in love with this little baby.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Playing Catch Up!

Wow, has life been crazy lately.  I feel terrible for neglecting my blog but I can explain.  After moving on the 8th and 9th, I went to work on Monday and figured that Tuesday I would do my regular weekly update.  Unfortunately my husband Art's grandma passed away so we went out of town Tuesday and Wednesday to attend her funeral.  When we got back on Thursday I got hit with a really nasty cold.  I was sick as a dog for two days straight and I could barely get out of bed.  Luckily by Saturday I was feeling a little more normal but I'm still recovering.  So I hope you will forgive my lack of posts!

Now, on to the fun stuff!  I realized I never shared my 9 week picture and I just barely got my 10 week picture taken (luckily Art convinced me that I should so we took it tonight).  Without futher ado:

In our old house with clutter and boxes!
In the new house with the Christmas tree!
Art says my bump looks bigger in the 9 weeks picture, which I attribute to the dress I was wearing plus the fact that I got so sick that my weight might have gone down a little bit.

And since I am 10 weeks 6 days today, I am going to give you my 10 weeks pregnant update!

  1. How far along?: 10 Weeks
  2. How big is baby?: Your baby's growth is fast and furious.  He or she is nearly an inch and a half long and the size of a prune, but not nearly as shriveled (even with all the time it spends in water). In fact, your baby is really taking a human shape now. Bones and cartilage are forming, and small indentations on the legs are developing into knees and ankles. The arms (complete with elbows) can flex already. Though your baby's arms are taking shape and getting stronger, each one is only about the size of this number 1. 
      The tooth bud fairy is making her appearance this week, heralding the arrival of your baby's little choppers, which are forming under the gums. Other systems are go, too. Your baby's stomach is producing digestive juices, the kidneys are producing larger quantities of urine, and, if your baby's a boy, he's already producing testosterone (wow!).
  3. Any appointments or updates this week?: My next OB appointment is tomorrow.  Art is coming along and we are really hoping that my doctor does an ultrasound so that we can see our little Sweet Pea again.
  4. Body changes?  Not much due to being sick.  This is the first week I've actually had full morning sickness.  Vomiting is not fun!
  5. Maternity clothes?: None yet.
  6. Best moment last week?: Settling into our new house
  7. Food cravings?: Firehouse subs
  8. Symptoms?: Mainly fatigue and constant thirst
  9. Exercise?: Does unpacking boxes count?
  10. What I miss?: Mainly just having my health, it's tough to be immune compromised.  I pledge to use MUCH more hand sanitizer from now on.
  11. What I'm looking forward to?: Seeing Sweet Pea again at our next ultrasound tomorrow!
  12. Different this time: Vomiting...ick!
10 week old baby, isn't it amazing?

Thanks for reading!  More updates coming soon, I promise.  

Friday, December 7, 2012

House Update - We own a new home!

So after a lot of stress, multiple walk-throughs checking every little thing on the house, and a few desperate e-mails, we finally closed on our new house on Wednesday!  What a relief!  Considering that we were planning to move on Saturday it was getting down to the wire. 

So all week we have been packing and getting ready to make the move.  I'm so excited!  Here is a picture of what our living room looks like right now: 

As you can see it's pretty much organized chaos.  I can't believe how much stuff we have crammed into our little 2 bedroom townhouse over the years.  And it's a little bittersweet because this is the first home we have lived in since we got married.  But we have made lots of great memories here and are ready to move on to the next chapter of our lives. 

We are hoping to finish up the packing tonight and be ready for Moving Day!  Luckily we have the world's best friends who are coming to help us.  It's going to be hard for me to just watch them since I'm not allowed to lift any boxes but I suppose I will manage somehow ;)

Our plan is to pick up a U-Haul truck in the morning and load all of the boxes and small things like chairs and end tables into it and unload it at the new house.  Then we have professional movers coming in the late afternoon to pick up our big furniture.  I'm looking forward to having everything moved in one day so that we can actually sleep at our new house on Saturday night! 

Stay tuned for more updates! 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

9 Weeks Pregnant!

  1. How far along?: 9 Weeks
  2. How big is baby?: Your baby is now 1 inch long, (the size of a blackberry or green olive) and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear.  Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.
  3. Any appointments or updates this week?: Nope, just patiently waiting for my next OB appointment in 2 weeks!
  4. Body changes?  I've gained some weight already due to being constantly hungry.  I can definitely start to see a little bump!
  5. Maternity clothes?: I haven't been wearing any yet, although I'm thinking of getting the Bella Band.
  6. Best moment last week?: Going to get Indian food with Art and his friends and then getting my 8 week belly pictures taken by him afterwards :)
  7. Food cravings?: None
  8. Symptoms?: Hungry, thirsty and tired!
  9. Exercise?: Walking/jogging on the treadmill once and walking around some stores on Sunday.
  10. What I miss?: Sleeping well, I keep waking up at odd times and tossing and turning lately.
  11. What I'm looking forward to?: Seeing our little one again at our next ultrasound!
  12. Different this time: More symptoms, definitely hungrier!
This is what our baby looks like at 9 weeks, it's amazing because it's actually starting to look like a little human!

Monday, December 3, 2012

More Frustration!

We found out this morning that our house did not pass one of the inspections, so we won't be able to close until Wednesday at the earliest now.  It might seem trivial but this house thing is totally stressing me out!  I know it will all work out in the end but I really wish I didn't have to wait any more.

Sometimes it really feels like God is giving me a test of patience.  I have never been a patient person and as I've gotten older I can see how I will need to be more and more patient...especially once we have a child!  I guess it's good that I'm getting these lessons in patience now, as much as I wish I wasn't.

So stay tuned for more house updates soon, I can't wait to share pictures and start getting moved in!  I will be praying all week that we still can move this weekend. 

Sunday, December 2, 2012

We're moving!

Over the past few months (even before we got our BFP) we have been talking about moving to a bigger house.  We found our dream house and signed a contract on it the day we found out we were pregnant!  Since then, we've been waiting patiently for November 30th to close on the house.  Well, Friday came and that didn't happen...unfortunately the builder didn't get everything completed on time to get all the final inspections done by the county.  Talk about a stressful day!  But in the end, we did sign most all the paperwork and now are just waiting on one more final paper which will probably get done on Tuesday after the final inspections (IF they get done on Monday). 

So it's moving time for us!  Art and I put together a plan of attack yesterday (3 stages, rooms used least to most) and then he awesomely priced out boxes at all the stores and we went to buy supplies.  Today we jump into packing!  3 boxes down, a million to go.  Except that we forgot to buy tape, so Art went to WalMart to get that.  Packing while pregnant isn't exactly a picnic.  I get winded every five seconds.  And after 3 boxes I am tired.  So I will be taking lots of breaks.  But, I want to keep the momentum going so that we can hopefully be moved in next weekend.

Luckily the new house is only a few miles from our current place, so our plan is to start moving boxes over as soon as we get the keys.  We decided to hire movers for the big stuff, considering that I won't be any help and Art just doesn't want to mess with it.  But, our goal is to get the little stuff out of the way so that when they come everything else will already be moved over.  We will see how it goes...stay tuned!  

Bump Pictures - 5 & 8 weeks!

Okay, I know that 5-8 weeks is REALLY early to start taking pictures of my pregnant belly but I'm so excited and I am already seeing subtle changes.  Been there, done that moms all say that it's only bloating at this stage but I don't care - I'm pregnant and I want to document everything :)

So without further ado, here are my 5 weeks and 8 weeks pregnant bump pictures...the 5 weeks one was taken by me in my bathroom and my dear hubby Art generously took the 8 week picture (and helped me with photoshopping the words on and everything).

The 5 weeks picture is kind of a "before" picture, although the 8 weeks picture was taken right after going to a delicious Indian restaurant for dinner so it's kind of a curry belly more than anything!  

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

8 weeks pregnant!

Today I'm officially 8 weeks pregnant!  So I thought I would start doing a little questionnaire every week:

  1. How far along?: 8 Weeks
  2. How big is baby?: Your baby is now a little more than ½ inch long, the size of a raspberry!

    This week, your little tadpole is starting to look a little bit more human. Other exciting developments include:
    Your baby's eyelids, ears, upper lip and the tip of his soon-to-be adorable button nose are forming.

    Junior will also sprout webbed fingers and toes this week—which you'll be well aware of in a few months, as baby starts early gymnastics classes inside you.

    Baby's tiny heart has separated into four distinct chambers and is really ticking now—at a rate of 150 beats per minute. That's more than twice your resting heart rate (even when Brad Pitt is on the screen).
  3. Any appointments or updates this week?: I had my first appointment at the OB/GYN's office on Monday.  I just went over paperwork and my medical history with the nurse and then she sent me for bloodwork and I scheduled my next appointment for December feels so far away!
  4. Body changes?  Sore boobs, bloated and very tired!  This morning I felt like I was hit by a Mac truck.
  5. Maternity clothes?: I already have a pair of black maternity dress pants, I bought them because they were on sale on  I haven't worn them quite yet but my clothes are starting to feel tighter.
  6. Best moment last week?: Announcing our news to the family
  7. Food cravings?: I haven't had any lately
  8. Symptoms?: Very tired and sometimes nauseous.  I'm also finding food either super appealing or nauseating, there is no in between right now.
  9. Exercise?: Last weekend Art and I went for a walk outside and I did a yoga class.  It felt great!
  10. What I miss?: Coffee in the morning but I don't even really want it right now.
  11. What I'm looking forward to?: My next appointment and getting out of the first trimester
  12. Different this time: I definitely feel much more nauseous than last time around.  Also, we have already seen the healthy baby with heartbeat...that is a huge difference.
This is what our baby looks like at 8 weeks (it's kind of weird right now...but later on this will be really cool!)

Monday, November 26, 2012

Telling Our Family

One of the most fun and exciting parts of pregnancy is getting to tell everyone and seeing their faces light up in excitement and joy for you.  Due to the long journey that we have been on to get pregnant for a second time, we decided to tell our immediate family the same day that we found out that we were pregnant.  It was a really big day, because that day we also put in a contract on a new home!  So we called and said "Guess what?  We're buying a house...and having a baby!"

I wanted to wait a little longer before telling my extended family.  Originally I thought it would be so cute to tell them on Christmas morning and I would be near the end of my first trimester by then.  But after seeing the heartbeat on Monday I changed my mind and decided to tell them on Thanksgiving.  I was too excited to keep the secret any longer.

I looked online for a cute idea for how to announce the good news to them.  Some of the things I found were down right gross!  Finally I decided the way I would do it. We waited until my grandparents were getting ready to leave and then insisted on a family picture, which wasn't too hard since that has always been a big tradition in my family.  We all stood outside of my aunt's house and took a couple of pictures and then I yelled out "Ok a fun one!  Everyone say Erin's pregnant!"

Their reaction was awesome, they all went from confused to shocked to ecstatic for us.  It was amazing.  Plus my uncle's mom was snapping pictures the whole time so I have a few really good ones (I had wanted to video tape it but nobody that could take the picture was in on the secret).  It was a great moment for our family and they're so happy for us.  I have the sweetest picture of me and my grandma; we are both smiling through our tears!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Our First Ultrasound

Our first ultrasound was on Monday, November 19th and I was so nervous!  The last time I was pregnant and had an ultrasound was with Elijah and that's when we found out that he didn't make it.  This time I just kept praying that things would be different.  I was okay until I was waiting in the exam room, then I just started freaking out.  What if something was wrong with this baby too?

Luckily Dr. Jaffe came in and performed the ultrasound and the first thing we saw was the heart monitor and we could actually hear our baby's heartbeat!  It was incredible and so overwhelming.  The little heart was already beating at 152 beats per minute.  What a miracle!

Next, she switched something on the machine and we got to see our little Sweet Pea (our nickname for the baby).  She took the baby's measurements and told us that he/she was measuring at 1cm right now.  So small for already having a heartbeat!

                                            Sweet Pea's first picture

After the ultrasound the nurse gave us a goody bag of parenting magazines and a cute teddy bear...we were officially "graduating" from the RE's office!  It was such a good feeling and I was so touched that all of the office staff smiled at us and congratulated us on the way out, including telling us "I told you it was going to happen!" and "Make sure to send us baby pictures!"

Our First Medicated Cycle = BFP!

After the surgery we were instructed to wait one cycle until we started trying again.  It felt like forever, but Dr. Jaffe already had the plan set up for our first medicated cycle.  A medicated cycle is when a woman takes fertility drugs (such as Clomid or Femara) to help the cycle behave as it should (in my case, help me ovulate earlier).  My protocol was to take Femara for 5 days and then take an injection of the medication Ovidrel to help ensure that my body really would ovulate.  Ovidrel is actually a synthetic version of the human hormone hcg, the pregnancy hormone.

During the cycle I was monitored, which means that before I started the Femara I was checked to make sure I didn't have any cysts or other problems.  Everything looked clear so I started the Femara.  After the 5 days I came back for another check and the tech counted the follicles that my ovaries were producing.  She measured several good sized follicles, which meant that I was responding well to the medication.  I was told to wait 48 hours and then take the Ovidrel shot.

Art gave me the shot in my belly on Saturday and then we waited the long, dreaded two week wait to find out if everything had worked.  I was so impatient though that I didn't wait the whole two weeks and tested just 12 days after ovulation.  Miraculously, on October 25th 2012 I saw that beautiful second line on the pregnancy test.  I was completely overwhelmed.

It was pretty early in the morning and so I ran over to Art who was still sleeping and woke him up saying "Guess what?!  I think we're pregnant!"  It was a scary feeling because I wasn't even sure if I should believe the test, but we were so excited.  I went in for a blood test at the RE's office to confirm that I was really pregnant.  They called back and gave me the beta hcg number: it was only 16.5.  However, once they realized that I was just really early in coming in they said I was probably fine and to come back in 72 hours.  My next beta number was 40.  Still low but at least the number was doubling, which is what they want to see.  I had one more beta two days later that came back at 128!  Everything was on track and I really was pregnant!


On August 28th, Art and I went to the hospital where I was going to have my surgery.  After getting prepped with an IV and hospital gown, I met the nurse, anesthesiologist, and Dr. Jaffe.  I was so anxious to get everything over with.  I was honestly scared to death.  The waiting for everything to get started was the worst part.  Once I received the drugs in my IV it was lights out!  I don't remember a thing about what happened until hours later when I woke up in recovery.  Dr. Jaffe had successfully removed my septum via laparoscopy.  I had three tiny incisions in my stomach and my belly was bloated with gas that they use to be able to operate and see everything inside.  I would find out later that Dr. Jaffe also successfully removed a large cyst on one of my ovaries and stage 3 endometriosis.

Recovery from the surgery was definitely no walk in the park.  Luckily I had Art by my side for the first 24 hours to order in Toojay's soup for me (I had to eat only bland foods while my stomach was still "waking up" from surgery) plus help me get around a little and stay entertained.  The surgery was on a Tuesday and I took the rest of the week off from work to let my body fully recover.  I found that even my mind felt fuzzy from all the medication and anesthesia.  But luckily after that week I started feeling more like myself again.

Our Appointment with the RE

I stressed out for weeks waiting for the first visit with our RE, Dr. Jaffe.  I heard that she was one of the best and I couldn't wait to find out what the septate uterus thing meant for me and if that was really why we weren't getting pregnant.

Our consultation was very thorough and took several hours.  We both gave our medical histories and talked to Dr. Jaffe about everything we had gone through.  She listened and then gave us her advice: she explained that a septate uterus means that I had a piece of tissue running down the middle of my uterus that didn't have blood flow, and so didn't support any life.  This was a condition that I had developed in the womb.  It could have also been the cause of my previous miscarriage, if the baby had implanted on the septum he wouldn't be able to survive.   She did an ultrasound of my uterus next to confirm that what I had was a septum and not a different condition and after that we talked about my options.  Art and I decided to go for the more aggressive approach, which was a laparoscopic hysteroscopy.  This was definitely scary for both of us; I had never had surgery before and didn't know what to expect.  But we felt this was our best option for being able to get pregnant so we scheduled the surgery for August 28, 2012.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Taking the Next Step

In June 2012 I contacted my doctor to find out if we could come in and discuss our situation.  It had been less than a year (the standard length of time that is usually required for a couple under 35 to try to conceive before seeking out infertility options)  but including our first pregnancy and loss we were at a year, and I couldn't wait any more.  My doctor sent me for an HSG (hysterosalpinogram) test to determine if one of my fallopian tubes may have been blocked.

The HSG test was done at a fertility clinic by an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist), which is a doctor who specializes in getting women pregnant.  The test itself consists of having an x-ray taken of your uterus while contrast dye is inserted to get a good look at your uterus and fallopian tubes.  My experience was excrutiating pain during the test, but luckily it was over quickly.  The doctor was only supposed to do the test and then send the results to my regular OB to give me the diagnosis, but she told me during the test that it looked like I had a septate uterus.  What did this mean?  I had no clue.  I left the doctor's office in a whirlwind of pain and confusion over this news.  The worst part was that my OB's office couldn't schedule me to come in for several weeks, so I really had no idea what to do next.  After doing some research online, I decided to skip going back to the OB's and called the RE's office and set up a consultation.

Trying To Conceive After Loss

Grief is a process, and I've heard that it is not uncommon to look at time differently after losing someone that you love.  You start to think of things in terms of "before loss" and "after loss".  After our loss, in August 2011 we re-started our trying to conceive journey, this time trying to conceive after loss.  Luckily, early on in this journey I was blessed to find a wonderful, supportive online community of fellow loss moms who were also trying to conceive again.  I can honestly say that those women helped get me through so many difficult times and kept things in perspective for me.

I faithfully charted my basal body temperature every morning as well as other body signs and recorded all of them daily to determine when my fertile time was.  We timed everything well month after month, but every month I got my hopes up only to have them crushed.  For the first few months I tried to keep a positive attitude; after all, we were just lucky to get pregnant on the first month the first time around.  But with every month that passed I felt more and more depressed.  Why couldn't this happen for us?  Why wasn't God letting us get pregnant?  I dreaded hearing about other women's good news because while I was happy for them, I was just so sad for us.  I was sad for the fact that we didn't have Elijah in our lives and sad about the fact that I couldn't get pregnant again.

The Beginning

The Story of Us
This is the story of me (Erin) and my husband Art and our journey to start a family.  We are two twenty-somethings who met at the University of Florida and fell in love.  After graduation we got married in July 2007 and settled down to start our new lives together.

Elijah's Story
Initially we told our families not to even ask about grandkids until at least five years after we got married, but in April 2011 we decided that we were ready to grow our family.  On May 12, 2011 I couldn't believe my eyes: I was staring at a positive pregnancy test!  We were very blessed to conceive right away and we were so excited to be having a baby!  Sadly, at our first ultrasound appointment the doctor told us that the baby was measuring 7 weeks although I should have been 10 weeks pregnant.  He told us that most likely we were having a missed miscarriage, which is when the baby stops developing but the mother's body does not recognize what has happened.  We were devastated to get this terrible news.  We went back for a confirmation ultrasound on June 15th just to be sure that the baby definitely was not growing and unfortunately nothing had progressed.  Since my body wasn't dealing with the miscarriage on it's own, I was given misoprostol to help the process.  The physical pain was difficult but the emotional pain was overwhelming.  Art and I both struggled with wondering if our baby was in Heaven, and I particularly questioned why God would let this happen to us.  We named our first baby Elijah, which means "my God is the Lord".  Although this trial tested our faith and our marriage at times, I learned to rely on my amazing friends and family, as well as many Bible verses which talk about God's power to redeem suffering and the way that he blesses those who suffer.